When a baby arrives, all eyes usually go straight to mum and baby. But dads go through a huge transition too. Sleepless nights, new responsibilities, financial worries, and the pressure of being a good partner can all take their toll. Many dads feel stressed, anxious, or low in those first months, even if they don’t always say it out loud.
Here’s the thing: dad’s mental health matters. Looking after yourself isn’t selfish - it helps you be the partner and parent you want to be. So let’s talk honestly about the challenges new dads face, the signs you might be struggling, and some realistic ways to take care of your own wellbeing while navigating life with a newborn.
Why Dads’ Mental Health Matters
You’ve probably heard lots about postnatal depression in mums, but did you know around one in ten new dads experience it too? Many more quietly struggle with anxiety, low mood, or stress. And while men often feel pressure to “just get on with it,” ignoring your own wellbeing doesn’t do you, or your family any favours.
When dads look after their mental health, the whole family benefits. Babies thrive in calmer environments, relationships are stronger, and partners feel more supported.
The Pressures New Dads Face
Every dad’s situation is different, but a few themes come up again and again. Lack of sleep hits everyone in the house. If you’re doing night feeds or supporting a partner who is, the exhaustion builds quickly. Add in financial worries, nappies, childcare, less income during parental leave, it all adds up!
Then there’s the relationship shift. Suddenly you and your partner have less time for each other, and most conversations revolve around nappies, feeding, or who’s more tired. It’s normal to feel like you’re in survival mode.
On top of all this, dads often feel pressure to be the “strong one”, the rock who keeps everything together. That can make it harder to admit when you’re struggling, which only adds to the weight you’re carrying.
Spotting the Signs You’re Struggling
Every new parent feels tired and emotional sometimes. But if you notice constant low mood, irritability, or feeling detached from your baby, it’s worth paying attention. Some dads withdraw from friends or their partner, others find themselves worrying endlessly or lying awake even when the baby is asleep.
Maybe you catch yourself feeling hopeless, or leaning too heavily on alcohol, gaming, or work as a way to escape. If those feelings last more than a couple of weeks, or start interfering with daily life, it could be more than just “new dad stress.”
Looking After Your Mental Health as a New Dad
So what actually helps? It doesn’t have to be complicated. Often it’s about giving yourself permission to do the basics, and remembering you deserve support too.
Start by talking. You don’t have to pour your heart out if that feels daunting. It can be as simple as telling your partner or a mate, “I’m finding this harder than I thought.” Opening the door makes it easier to say more when you’re ready.
Stay connected. It’s tempting to shut down and go into autopilot, but even a quick chat with a friend or another dad can remind you you’re not the only one going through this. Some dads’ groups online and in local areas are brilliant for swapping honest stories, laughing about the tough bits, and finding people who just “get it.” If you’ve got friends who are also dads, try to connect with them, even grabbing a coffee or going for a walk together can feel like a reset.
Sleep is tricky, but try to find ways to get rest where you can. Splitting the night into shifts with your partner, napping in the day, or even going to bed ridiculously early can make a difference. It won’t be perfect, but even small amounts of rest help your resilience.
Moving your body helps too. You don’t need the gym, a walk with the pram clears your head and counts as exercise. And while it’s easy to obsess about all the things you should be doing, try to lower the bar. Forget perfection. A baby who is safe, fed, and loved already has everything they need.
Supporting Your Partner Without Burning Out
A lot of dads pour everything into looking after their partner and forget themselves. It’s understandable that you want to be reliable and present. But supporting someone else while running on empty doesn’t work for long.
The most important thing to remember is that you and your partner are a team. Some days it’ll feel like a 50/50 split, other days one of you will be carrying 90% while the other scrapes through on 10%. That’s normal. The balance shifts all the time, and the key is to be kind to each other through it.
Be honest about your limits. It’s okay to say, “I need half an hour to reset.” Swap breaks so you both get time to breathe. And when your partner talks, resist the urge to jump in with solutions straight away. Sometimes just listening and sharing the weight is what makes the difference.
Looking after your mental health isn’t separate from supporting your family — it’s part of it. And working as a team, even when it feels uneven, is how you both get through the hardest days.
When to Reach Out for Help
There’s no shame in asking for help. In fact, it’s one of the strongest things you can do for yourself and your family. If low mood, stress, or anxiety feel overwhelming, start by talking to your GP or health visitor. They’re used to these conversations and can point you toward the right support.
If you’re unsure where to begin, call NHS 111. Charities like PANDAS Foundation UK, Mind, and CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) also provide confidential support for dads.
The bottom line: you don’t have to wait until things get unbearable. Reaching out early means you’ll start feeling better sooner.
Common Questions for New Dads
Can dads really get postnatal depression?
Yes. Around one in ten dads experience it, though it’s often missed or overlooked.
What if I don’t bond with my baby straight away?
That’s normal. Bonding can take time, especially when you’re exhausted or if the birth was difficult. It will come as you spend time together.
I feel pressure to be strong. What should I do?
Strength isn’t about bottling everything up. It’s about being honest and open. Talking helps you, your partner, and your baby.
How can I help my partner without burning out?
See yourselves as a team. Share responsibilities, listen without trying to fix everything, and be kind to each other when the split feels uneven.
Becoming a dad is one of the biggest life changes you’ll ever go through. It’s exciting, but it’s also messy, exhausting, and sometimes overwhelming. If you’re finding it tough, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.
And remember, you and your partner are in this together. Some days you’ll share things equally, and some days one of you will carry more. What matters is kindness, patience, and recognising that you’re a team. Connecting with other dads, whether through a group or a friend who’s been there too, gives you an extra layer of support and a reminder you’re not alone.
Looking after your mental health isn’t selfish; it helps everyone. Because when dads take care of themselves, the whole family benefits. And that’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.