When a baby arrives, most of the attention falls on mum and baby and rightly so. Recovery and feeding take centre stage. But dads go through a huge adjustment too. Sleepless nights, new responsibilities, financial worries, and the pressure to “be strong” can all weigh heavily.
Sometimes dads don’t show their struggles openly. They may keep going, bottling things up, or quietly withdrawing. As a partner, recognising the pressures they’re under and supporting them through this transition can make a huge difference, not just to them, but to you and your baby as well.
Why Dad’s Mental Health Matters Too
It’s easy to assume dads “have it easier” because they didn’t go through pregnancy or birth. But research shows around one in ten new dads experience postnatal depression, and many more deal with anxiety or stress.
When dads look after their mental health, the whole family benefits. Babies thrive in calmer homes, and relationships are stronger when both parents feel supported. Supporting each other and quality communication is key.
Pressures New Dads Often Face
Sleep Deprivation
You’re both tired but dads may feel pressure to “push through,” especially if they’re back at work quickly. Exhaustion builds fast and affects mood and patience.
Financial Pressure
Many dads feel the weight of providing for a growing family. Worries about money, work, or career changes can add to stress.
Relationship Changes
After a baby, your relationship shifts. Time together is limited, intimacy can feel different, and conversations often revolve around nappies, feeding, and sleep. This adjustment can feel isolating for both of you.
Feeling Helpless
If you’re recovering, breastfeeding, or struggling, dads can feel powerless and unsure how to help and frustrated when they can’t “fix” things.
Social Pressure
Society still tells men to “man up” and “get on with it.” This stops many dads from admitting when they’re struggling or reaching out for help.
Signs Your Partner Might Be Struggling
It’s not always obvious when a dad is finding things tough. Look out for:
-
Persistent irritability or low mood.
-
Struggling to bond with the baby.
-
Avoiding friends, family, or activities.
-
Constant worry or restlessness.
-
Trouble sleeping, even when the baby sleeps.
-
Using alcohol, gaming, or long work hours to escape.
If these signs last more than a couple of weeks, it could be more than just “new dad stress.”
How You Can Support Your Partner
See Yourselves as a Team
Parenthood works best when you remember you’re in it together. Some days will feel like a 50/50 split, other days one of you will be doing 90% while the other manages 10%. That balance shifts constantly. Be kind to each other and acknowledge when the load feels uneven.
Encourage Him to Talk
Dads often find it hard to open up. Gently ask how he’s doing, not just about the baby, but about him. Sometimes hearing, “How are you coping?” makes all the difference. If he struggles to talk to you, encourage him to speak with a mate, another dad, or a professional.
Share the Load
It’s easy to assume dads should just “help out,” but they’re parents too. Involve him in daily routines, nappy changes, bathtime, soothing. Feeling useful and included supports bonding with the baby and reduces the sense of helplessness.
Support Rest and Breaks
Just as you need rest, so does he. Swap shifts where possible so both of you get time to breathe. Encourage him to take short breaks, a walk, a coffee with a friend, or even a nap. Time away doesn’t mean time out of parenting; it helps you both come back calmer.
Encourage Connections with Other Dads
Suggest he joins a dads’ group or meets up with friends who are also dads. Talking with others who “get it” can normalise the struggles and provide a space where he doesn’t feel judged.
Check In About Work and Money
If he’s worrying about finances or returning to work, acknowledge it. Even if you can’t solve the problem, talking about it openly reduces the burden of carrying it alone.
When to Encourage Professional Help
Sometimes, extra support is needed. Encourage your partner to:
-
Speak to the GP, they can provide advice, referrals, or treatment.
-
Talk to your health visitor, they’re there for dads as well as mums.
-
Use NHS 111 if unsure where to start.
-
Reach out to charities like PANDAS Foundation UK, Mind, or CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably).
Reassure him that asking for help isn’t weakness, it’s strength, and it shows your child that caring for mental health is important.
Common Questions for Mums Supporting Dads
Do dads really get postnatal depression?
Yes. It affects around 1 in 10 new dads. It’s not always recognised, but it’s real and treatable.
What if my partner doesn’t bond with the baby at first?
That’s normal. Bonding can take time, especially if he’s exhausted or unsure of his role. Encourage time together and let it develop naturally.
How can I make sure we both get rest?
Take turns, even in small ways. One handles the baby while the other naps, showers, or takes a short walk.
What if he won’t open up?
Be patient. Keep checking in gently, encourage him to talk to someone he trusts, and remind him it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
Becoming parents is one of the biggest life changes you’ll face together. It’s exciting, but it’s also exhausting and at times overwhelming. While so much focus is on mums (and rightly so), it’s important to remember that dads can struggle too.
The best approach is teamwork. Some days you’ll share things equally, and some days one of you will carry more. What matters is kindness, patience, and remembering you’re on the same side.
Encouraging your partner to rest, connect with other dads, share responsibilities, and seek help if needed can make a huge difference. Supporting his mental health isn’t just about him, it strengthens your relationship and creates a calmer, happier home for your baby.