When your baby arrives, it can feel like life flips upside down overnight. All the focus is on the new arrival and often on mum’s physical recovery too. But alongside the physical changes, many new mums experience emotional ups and downs, from the baby blues to postnatal depression or anxiety.
As a dad, it’s not always easy to know what to do. You might want to “fix” things but feel helpless, or you might be so tired yourself that you don’t see the signs straight away. This guide will help you understand the pressures mums face and how you can support your partner’s mental health during those early months.
Why Mum’s Mental Health Matters
It’s not just about recovery from birth. A mum’s mental health affects how she feels day to day, her confidence as a parent, and her ability to bond with the baby. Around 1 in 5 mums experience a mental health problem after giving birth, most commonly postnatal depression or anxiety.
Supporting her mental health doesn’t just help her, it also strengthens your relationship and creates a calmer, happier home for your baby.
Pressures New Mums Often Face
Physical Recovery
Whether she had a vaginal birth or a caesarean, her body is healing while she’s learning to care for a newborn. Pain, fatigue, and hormonal changes all add up.
Feeding Pressures
Breastfeeding can be rewarding but also stressful and painful. Formula feeding comes with its own stigma. Either way, mums can feel judged or like they’re not doing “enough.”
Sleep Deprivation
Exhaustion makes everything harder. Some mums feel the pressure to take on most night feeds, especially if breastfeeding.
Social Pressure
From “bounce-back” body expectations to social media’s perfect images of parenthood, many mums feel they’re falling short.
Isolation
Days at home with a newborn can be lonely. Without adult conversation, small worries can grow.
Signs Your Partner Might Be Struggling
It can be hard to spot the difference between normal exhaustion and something more serious. Look out for:
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Persistent sadness or tearfulness.
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Feeling anxious or panicky most of the time.
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Trouble bonding with the baby.
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Withdrawing from friends or family.
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Talking negatively about herself or feeling like a “bad mum.”
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Changes in appetite or sleep that aren’t just baby-related.
If these feelings last longer than two weeks or are very intense, it could be more than just the baby blues.
How You Can Support Your Partner
See Yourselves as a Team
Parenthood is teamwork. Some days you’ll split things 50/50, other days you’ll carry 90% while she manages 10% and vice versa. That’s normal. Be patient, be kind, and remind each other you’re in this together.
Listen Without Fixing
Your instinct might be to offer solutions, but sometimes she just needs to be heard. A simple, “That sounds really hard, do you want me to listen or help problem-solve?” can mean the world.
Share the Load
Nappies, feeds, laundry, appointments it’s not “helping,” it’s parenting. Step in and take responsibility for daily tasks without being asked. It lightens her mental load and shows you’re in this together.
Encourage Rest and Breaks
Remind her it’s okay to rest. Take the baby for a walk so she can nap, encourage a long shower, or make time for her to see a friend. Rest isn’t indulgence, it’s survival.
Be Aware of Social Media Pressure
Remind her that those perfect Instagram nurseries and smiling mums in designer clothes are rarely the full picture. If she enjoys it, fine, but make sure she knows it’s okay to do things your own way.
Encourage Connections
Suggest she talks to friends, joins a local mum group, or connects with others online. Knowing she’s not the only one feeling this way is powerful.
When to Encourage Professional Help
If her low mood, anxiety, or stress feel overwhelming, it’s important to seek support. Encourage her to:
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Speak to her GP: they can advise and refer for treatment if needed.
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Talk to your health visitor or midwife: they’re trained to support maternal mental health.
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Call NHS 111 if you’re unsure where to start.
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Reach out to charities like PANDAS Foundation UK, Mind, or local postnatal groups.
Frame it as teamwork, “We’ll get through this together”, so she knows she’s not facing it alone.
Common Questions for Dads Supporting Mums
How can I tell if it’s baby blues or postnatal depression?
Baby blues usually ease after 2 weeks. If sadness or anxiety lasts longer, or gets worse, it may be postnatal depression or anxiety.
What if she doesn’t want to talk?
Don’t push, but keep checking in gently. Sometimes simply saying, “I’m here when you’re ready,” helps.
How do I balance supporting her with my own stress?
Be honest about how you’re coping. Swap breaks where you can, and remember you also need rest. Looking after yourself helps you look after her.
What if she feels guilty for struggling?
Remind her she’s not alone and not failing. Mental health struggles after birth are common and treatable.
Becoming parents is one of the biggest life changes you’ll ever go through. While much of the focus is on mums physically, it’s just as important to recognise and support their mental health.
The best approach is to see yourselves as a team. Some days will feel balanced, some won’t but being kind to each other, sharing the load, and encouraging rest and support makes all the difference.
If your partner is struggling, remind her she’s not alone. Encourage her to talk, connect with others, and seek professional help if needed. Supporting her mental health isn’t just about her, it strengthens your relationship and creates a calmer, happier home for your baby.